Linguistic Purity

France Shuns ‘Hashtag’

“Borrowing too many words from English opens the door to a mishmash of French and English,” a spokesman for the Office Québécois de la Langue Française said, according to Metro U.K. “This can have an impact on French word formation, phonetics and grammar, not just terminology.”

There is a piquant je ne sais quoi to this declaration.

I put forward the thought that English speakers go back to using good old pre-Norman Invasion Anglo Saxon words. We should be eating pig and cow meat, not partaking of pork and beef. We will not consume crudités and hors d’oeuvre, we will gnaw on raw plant parts and first dishes.

Instead of watering down our utterances with Francophonics like “fornication” we should just say “fuck”. In fact, let’s avoid all those euphemisms for things the French are famous for, and start writing about ways to make our tongue fucking and tool sucking (because the proper Old English “pizzle” just sounds silly) better instead of utilizing circumlocutions like cunninglingus and fellatio.

At the very least least it would make Cosmo covers a bit more entertaining for a while. And as an added blessing, “Fuck the French” sounds so much more satisfying than “Les baiser le Française”.