Japglish of the Week

Students come up with some of the weirdest things. The test instructions were, “Write: who, what, when, where, how, or why in the blank.” These are a few of the more amusing results: Who can you call me? (I don’t know. Who do you want to be?)

How often goto sopping in the super macket? (SYNTAX ERROR LINE 20)

How in the blank can she call me? (I don’t know how in the **** she can call you either.)

How often do you eat Susi?  (As often as she lets me.)

You have no idea how tempted I am to actually make those comments sometimes. A few years ago, I was so burned out that when I had to make an English test, I wrote answers for the multiple-choice section that included a joke answer for the throwaway, “you’ve got the IQ of a chimp if you pick this,” choice. I probably would have gotten fired if I'd actually turned that draft in, considering that I had things like:

Q: “What happens when a maneki neko raises both paws?”

A: “A portal to Cthulhu opens.”

Q: “Why was Maki tired on Sunday?”

A: “Because the navy was back in port.”

The problem is that everyone's English is so bad that no one would really know what I'd written, including the English teachers. Scary, eh?